Uneasy

Regularity is something that people look for to find comfort. Change makes us uneasy...and if you don't feel that way then there is something wrong with you. I look for the familiar things to feel better, I guess that's just something that I find comforting.

Things started to pick up with Moe and I. I loved her to death and we bonded better than sisters. I couldn't function without her. We were like poison for each other. We fed off of each others negativity and soon began to take it to new extremes. I broke a frame in my bedroom one summer we spent together. The shattered glass was intriguing, I couldn't help myself. The way the cool glass felt against my skin was dangerous and comforting. I couldn't help but press the sharp edge deeper into my skin once I had it. Moe came over soon and I showed her the wonderful relief brought on by the glass. It was nothing we had ever felt before.
It started with glass...just on our palms. Soon it wasn't enough. My mom got the frame fixed and we needed something new. Moe soon found a abandoned box cutter in her garage, which made me furious. Her new source was drawing more pain and I just couldn't help but be envious. Then I realized something.
One morning I found that my straightener's burning on my finger gave me the same relief. I began holding the straightener to my skin. By this time it was late April and short sleeves were keeping us from overheating. The scars were getting harder to hide. Mom and dad soon noticed and made me come clean about my outlet of self harm. Moe was caught as well and our parents put our friendship on hold.
But that didn't stop us.
The self harming got worse and my parents soon found my scars again in December of 8th grade. Counseling made me sick. I couldn't tell this old women about my life. She couldn't even begin to understand the issues concerning a drug addicted boyfriend who only said "i love you" when high or the fact that I was completely disgusted with who I was because Moe was beautiful....
But then it hit me in the car ride home from that terrible place...I didn't need this outlet. I had my words and my actions. I had the whole world ahead of me...or high school.

Moe and I drifted the summer following 8th. I stumbled upon one of her old loves..he was tall thin and everything I have ever wanted. Oh and believe me...he wasn't so hard to get my hands on.